Backpackers and Hostel Life

Some things you should know about your backpacker (warning for your own peace of mind pretend the following material is entirely fictional and is in no way based on actual events):

1. Backpackers smell and look dirty because the cleaning of the backpacker is a long exhausting procedure. First you have to check that the few working showers are free of people and vermin. Secondly you hope and pray that there is clean and warm water running, then begins the arduous ritual of unlocking the 30 locks that cover your backpack and keep your belongings safe from those fellow backpackers less fortunate than you and undoing the lock that ties your belongings down. Finally through the fortress, you find that you have no clean clothes left thus begina the elimination of clothes unsuitable for recycle. Finally with clothes in hand you open your toiletries to discover that they have all exploded on themselves..."Will toothpaste suffice as soap?" Eventually you head to the shower to discover they have become occupied in the time it took for you to prepare. However, you decide to wait. Finally, someone emerges from the shower who apparently was not detered by the person wearing a dress on the bathroom door. You wish you had brought a larger towel. At last you get in the shower only to find that the water runs cold, toothpaste doesn't suffice as soap and you forgot your undies...Have a little grace for your smelly backpacker!
2. Your friendly neighbourhood backpacker is not dopey just severely sleep deprived. Backpackers are nocturnal creatures. And it is assumed if you are staying in a backpackers hostel you too do not require sleep. These observations were made over several nights in La Casa Roja apparently party central of Chile. No hour of the night or day is too early to start drinking. "Fiesta! Fiesta! Fiesta!" was screamed every hour  by various people running down the halls. Every nite there is a different attraction calling the backpacker from sleep...Mad Mondays, Cheap Tuesdays, Wednesday nite Ball, Thursday If I dont I might sober up?...At 4am Tiff and I lay awake staring at the ceiling serenaded by the sounds of someone struggling to play the guitar and singing as though they were being strangled. Finally someone came running down the stairs- our saviour from this cruel and unusual torture only to discover our messiah had a penchant for bongos! They made a woeful ensemble. However, I would take the strangled bongo emsemble over the squeak of springs in the room next door any day!
3. Just because you are a backpacker doesnt mean you dont speak english and if you want to say those things that I dare not repeat under your breath and the cover of crosscultural communication to your dopey friend; I ask that you do your research and try not to use my language. Save yourself the embarrassment of me understanding you and discovering that you are a creepy loserface! Beware of the bilingual creep!